.Life priorities made simple.

I used to think life could be compartmentalized into neat little boxes. That I could sum up my being into several aspects, and it was merely a matter of prioritizing.

For me, life could be summed up as follows:

1. God

2. Family and loved ones

3. Career

4. Friends

5. Leisure (other interests)

It was simple. The lines were so clearly drawn, that I could easily sacrifice one for the sake of another, as long as they were more important according to my list. I could pat myself in the back for being so noble as to put God first. I could give up a couple of hours of family time if it meant I could serve God by helping out in the church more often. Or I could pass up some night outs with friends if it meant I could further my professional life even more.

I would get tired of straining and pushing myself, but I thought it was worth it.

I don’t believe in this anymore.

Why put God first… when He is already present in every aspect of my life? In my relationships, He is the LOVE that conquers all. In my career direction, He is the WISDOM that guides me. In my times of rest and leisure, He is the JOY and PEACE that comforts me.

He is in every single thing that I am and I do.

He puts everything in order such that nothing is neglected, nothing is missed out. Nothing is sacrificed at the expense of another.

God’s wisdom, after all, is so much greater than my own.

God is not a part of life that must be prioritized. He is not a mere slice in the pie chart that is the schedule of my life. He GAVE me the entire pie and has promised to be with me in every slice.

Everything I have is a gift from Him and He is not asking me to give Him anything back. He is not waiting for me to make the first move before He makes His. His blessing me is not dependent on how my performance, on how good I am. He has already moved. He has already given me everything. There are no rules to follow, no constant looking-over-my-shoulder just to make sure I am doing the right thing. No how-tos, no dos-and-donts.

He only wants me to RECEIVE freely. To simply be LED by His Spirit.

This just makes me love Him all the more – because He first loved me.

Jesus has already paid for everything.

There is no prioritization needed. There is only Jesus.

So, what does your list look like? Are you having difficulty maintaining a balance and prioritizing it all? Is it tough juggling all the separate parts of your life that demand some level of attention?

Relax. Breathe. And remember.

With Jesus, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL – whole, complete, nothing missing, nothing broken.

Tara!

"Nothing's gonna stop us now..."

I turn my head to the direction of the music. It is a hot, summer day, around seven o'clock in the morning, and I am out playing with my niece Raine on our street's gazebo. The gazebo is situated right atop the creek that runs through our street and several others. Across the creek are the houses of some informal settlers who have lived there for as long as I can remember. This neighborhood, with the wooden houses placed on stilts with chicken coops underneath, is reminiscent of another place from my childhood.

As I breathe in the early morning air, the classic 90's music blaring from what I can only assume to be a boombox transports me to another time.

*********

I am nine years old. In my cotton shorts and white sando, I run around the second floor of my Nanay Gloria's house in Pagsanjan, playing with cousins who always seem to be present. "Dun na kayo sa silong," Nanay tells us. "Mainit dito sa bahay." The different terms used in this place always fascinates me. Silong refers to the house's first floor and bahay the second.

Scrambling down the stairs, I catch a glimpse of my 12-year-old Ate through the window talking to a tall, thin, shy-looking teenage boy, who obviously has a crush on her. Sitting on the sofa are more friends waiting for me. "Gusto mong manguha ng duhat?" the little girl from next door, and my best friend for the summer, asks me. "Tara!" I quickly answer. We rummage around the kitchen looking for old ice cream containers that we can use to hold the precious little fruits we were about to gather. "Nay, lalabas lang po kami. Mangunguha kami ng duhat!" And then I run out of the house without a single care in the world.

*********

"Nay, gusto kong maligo sa ilog."

My lola's house sits right in front of the river that eventually leads to the Pagsanjan Falls. I have seen some kids swimming there, and I cannot for the life of me understand why I am not allowed to do the same.

"Huwag diyan," Nanay repeats. "Madumi kasi diyan. Sa Lagaslas na lang tayo mag-swimming."

With light snacks and green mangoes in tow, some of my aunts, uncles, cousins and I board the small boat that will bring us to Lagaslas. The Lagaslas is an area of the river where the current flows rapidly downstream. Boatmen call it the "rapids". The tourist boats go through several Lagaslas areas before getting to the main attraction - the Falls. When we arrive, we jump out of the boat and set our food down on one of the cottages in the water. My foot hits the rocky bottom. "Ouch!" I cry. "Masakit sa paa 'yung mga bato." I try to walk around, but find myself have difficulty doing so. "Mag-tsinelas ka na lang," one of my cousins tell me. "Ingat ka lang kasi baka madala ng agos." I follow his advice, and gingerly step out into the water again. It's cold!

"Gamitin natin 'yung timbulan," another of my cousins call out. "Padala tayo sa agos!" Smiling widely, I shout out, "Tara!" I grab one of the inflated interior tires we rented, walk out to where the current begins, position myself atop the tire, and let myself flow with the rushing water, without a single care in the world.

************

"Eto o."

One of my playmates, another little boy in shorts and sando that look like they belong to his older brother, hands me a Piattos wrapper.

"Ano 'to?" I ask, and reach out to grab the bag. I could feel the bag moving in my hands before I even had the chance to look at it.

"Panahon na ulit ng mga u-ang! Tara, manghuli pa tayo!" he says excitedly. I look at him for a short moment, then look at the bag. My eyes widen. It is swarming with big, black beetles. "Konti pa nga lang 'yan eh!" he says with a tinge of pride. "Hanap pa tayo!" I break out into an impish smile and say, "Tara!"

We scrounge around plants and trees, looking for the biggest beetles we could find. Every once in a while, we find a small, golden version of the insect - the salaginto, for me, is a treasure. When we collect as much as we want, we go back to my lola's house and ask Nanay for some thread. We select the most vigorous of the beetles, tie a thread around its neck, and let it loose. "Para akong may saranggola!" I exclaim gleefully. I hold on the thread and watch my active u-ang fly, without a single care in the world.

***********

"Tita, ball. Tita, ball!"

Raine's voice brings me back to the present. She is holding out her arms and looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to throw her back the ball. I look at my hands and see the small, vinyl ball between them. Still a bit dazed, I tell her, "Catch!" She giggles in delight and tries to catch it. When she fails to do so, she runs after it as it rolls down the paved path.

Silently, I watch her. I see her pick up the ball and try to throw it upwards. She can't do it yet, and the ball just simply bounces in front of her. This sends her in another fit of giggles as she runs after the ball again. I sit down on the ground and continue to look at her. Her eyes twinkle mischievously, and then she starts to run toward me. Her angelic little face, so open and full of trust, of hope and of joy, was mesmerizing.

At what point in our lives do we lose that look?

"Tita, house?"

Suddenly, Raine is standing in front of me again. Beads of sweat line her forehead, and hair strands were both sticking to the side of her face and sticking out behind her head. She's telling me she wants to go back home, already happy after a half-hour of playing outside.

I give her a big smile, grab her soft little hand, and say, "Tara!"

And we walk down the street, without a single care in the world.

.random.

I really should write again soon.

.The Bravest of Us All.

“Bagay pala sa ‘yo ang naka-white coat, Bossing.” (Your white coat suits you, Bossing.)

He was sitting up on his hospital bed when he said that. He started calling me Bossing when I became his deputy wing commander in high school, and the name stuck.

For the second time, he was admitted to the same hospital where I was doing my Pediatrics pre-residency. I had promised to show him my white coat once I earned the right to wear it, so I kept it on when I went to visit him after doing my rounds.

I surveyed his general appearance through a doctor's eyes. He looked much better than he did the last time. He seemed healthier, stronger somehow. Though his eyes betrayed the fatigue he felt, a teasing smile was plastered across his face.

Rats. I knew what was coming next.

“Buti ‘yan, para ‘di ka na nila mapagkamalan na pasyente.” (That’s good. At least they won’t mistake you for a patient anymore.)

Typical Ivan. Always going out of his way to tease me about my height.

Still. It felt wrong to be talking about me, when I came there to visit HIM. I wanted to know how HE was.

“Kamusta ka na Pareng Ivan?” (How are you Ivan?)

He smiled his teasing smile again.

“Mas okay na ako ngayon Bossing. Gusto ko na ngang umuwi eh. Ikaw? Kamusta? Tanggap ka na ba?” (I feel much better Bossing. I want to go home already. What about you? Have you been accepted?)

There he went again, turning the conversation around to make it all about ME when I wanted to know more about HIM. He wanted to know if I got accepted into the residency program already.

Typical Ivan. He was such a selfless and wonderful friend.

We went on talking about other things, but mostly he just kept coming back to me, asking ME questions, and how I was, and what MY plans were. It just felt plain wrong, but I couldn’t help answering him, anyway. He wasn’t just trying to make conversation. He was sincerely interested in talking to me, in learning what I was doing with my life, and how I felt about it.

Other people would have felt entitled to wallow in self-pity and talk endlessly about themselves and how they are dealing with their condition. No one would argue and complain, anyway.

But not Ivan. Even after being diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), he still refused to draw attention to himself.

Typical Ivan. Always putting other people ahead of himself.

Well, we’re not going to let you get away with it this time.

This time, this is all about YOU.

YOU made us laugh and smile. YOU brought us joy simply by being our friend and brother. YOU remained cool despite our pasaway moments (dakilang Wing Com). YOU extended a helping hand and listening ear to anyone who needed it. YOU supported us, your classmates, in a way that only YOU can.

YOU tried to be all rough and tough with us, but sorry Ivan, it just didn’t work. YOU were as gentle as could be. YOU were the big brother who gave us comfort when we needed it most.

YOU showed your love so wonderfully that it is no wonder why people love you back in return.

YOU went after your dreams and made them come true. YOU made us proud when you topped your board exam and became successful at your chosen career.

YOU fought the battle that most people would have been too weak to handle. YOU stood strong in the midst of all the difficulties you and your family had to face. YOU kept your faith in the good God who YOU knew would never let you go. YOU braved the pain that came with your condition and refused to let anyone else suffer with you.

YOU fought the battle Ivan. YOU are the bravest of us all.

And at the end of it, YOU inspired us all.

To my Pareng Ivan, here’s to YOU.

.On LOVING and LETTING GO.

Love means letting someone go.

This is Love in any form possible - between lovers, friends, and family.

Before you get other ideas, let me say that this is by no means an encouragement to cut off ties with people who are close to your heart. Please do read on.

This is an attempt to put a new spin on a phrase that has been taken negatively for a long time.

There are times in our lives when everything seems to be changing - when life as we know it takes a sudden turn, and in an instant, the whole world is a very, very different place. Things are not where they should be. Friends have suddenly become strangers and the distance brings a coldness that was not there before. We feel lost and confused. We try to keep up, but the harder we try to hold on, the farther we seem to get left behind.

The more you try to recapture the days of the past, the harder it becomes to face the future. Little by little, you begin to lose yourself.

As people are dynamic, it only follows that relationships are dynamic too. Along with changes within the person come differences in the way we deal with them. We learn, we grow up. It does not necessarily mean that one is more mature than the other... we may just be treading down very different paths, for which we must undergo different forms of training and molding.

Love, therefore, is understanding that dynamism. It is seeing beyond the person as he is now, looking deep inside and seeing his potential to become so much more. Who he is now will definitely not be the same as who he will be ten years from now. Why keep him from becoming that person?

To let people go is to help them reach for their dreams.

Letting people go is encouraging them to spread their wings and soar boldly across skies they have never seen before.

Let him go. Let him discover who he is and what he was born to do. True, there may be times when he has to leave you behind so he can find his own way. Accept that you will not be present in every single scene of his life's story. To keep him tied down to you because you are afraid of losing him is pure, utmost selfishness.

Maybe Love means accepting the fact that the world is a bigger place than your heart. There are places to see, wonders to discover, and lessons to learn. No one person is enough to give all that. God has plans for him more beautiful than you could ever fathom. Maybe Love means letting him be free to see all that beauty for himself, even if it means he may not always be doing it with you.

Few can match the joy that comes with seeing a loved one glowing with the glory of God-given success.

There's no denying that it will hurt. In any relationship where one moves away, it is always harder for the one who stays. The one who moved is living a brand new adventure, while the other has to deal with an environment that brings back memories of a time when things were easier.

But Love always believes.

Love is knowing that what you have is strong enough to bring you back together no matter how far apart you get.

Letting go is not saying, "So this is where our friendship ends, now let us go our separate ways."

Letting go says, "Go ahead and take that step towards your destiny. If you have to go alone for now, so be it. But know that I'm always supporting you, cheering you on, praying for you. Trust that I am here for you, ready to help whenever you might need me."

So let him go. Let him become all that he is and could be. Let his star shine so bright and don't worry about yours. Do what God has called you to do. You have your own destiny - God has plans for you, too. Your time will come.

At the end of the day, your love, your friendship, will always be the one he comes home to.

**************************

****

Friends, go ahead. Reach for the stars.

I am rooting for you. :)