I want to write, but for some reason, I find myself at a loss for words. I have not written anything halfway decent for the longest time that I can actually feel myself getting rusty. Words are getting mushed up in my head so quickly that I barely have the time to get them down on paper, much less type away on my computer keyboard.
And yet so much remains unspoken that I feel like my heart will burst if I fail to write them down a minute longer.
*********************
Where am I? I have been placed on a path that turns neither to the right nor to the left. A narrow path where few brave souls dare to venture. No detours. No other way to go but straight on ahead. And yet what lies in front of me appears so glorious, so blindingly glorious, that one just can't help but gaze at it in awe. So bright was this light, so inviting, beckoning me to draw closer. Keeping my eyes on that light should be enough to give me the strength to carry on. But I didn't. Instead, I pulled my eyes away and - blinking as the light slowly faded and the rest of the world became clearer and clearer - turned to look at what lay around me.
Darkness.
Death lurks at every corner, seeking whom it may devour. Ready to latch on to any one who may have chosen to embrace it, unbeknownst to him or not. Seeping into lives and hearts, unknowingly, like a spy in the night, and stealing the joy from innocent bystanders who would, sooner or later, just helplessly succumb to this dark force.
My heart is crying out, inferiority creeping in as I find myself unable to do anything. Everywhere around me was chaos. Desperation. I wanted to reach out and crush death's power and trample it to the ground. With what power I did not know, but I wanted to pull them all out from this dark ocean of despair and misery. I looked around, confused, not knowing what to do or where to go. Deep within me, a voice is shouting out and trying to show me the way. The Light. Look upon the Light. Unconsciously, I pushed it down farther and farther into the depths of my soul, that soon, I could only appreciate a whisper. I knew I had to listen, but I couldn't. Or wouldn't. I blatantly refused. To listen would mean I would have to move.
Hesistantly at first, I then shut my eyes and tried to tune out the noise around me. With my mind, I formed a shield around me. I wanted to protect myself, to preserve myself. I didn't want to feel, to hear, to listen. Soon, it became easier to look the other way. I crawled into myself and refused to come out. If I would just look into myself, then I wouldn't have to care. After some time enveloped in myself, I ventured a peek and saw other people like me. Coiled away, not caring, not minding. Going about their everyday lives, numb and callous to the other people around them crying out even for just one chance to fight death's grip. Hearts hard as stone. Eyes looking straight ahead, seeing but not comprehending. Trying to convince themselves that this is how it should be, but somehow knowing that it's not. I kept watching them, observing them, drawing closer to them.
And then, with a start, I realize, I have become just like them.
Then, I was falling. Down, down, and down... into depths of how great I could not imagine.
I was staring death in the face, but it was a different kind of death.
This one steals not strength of bone and sinews, but of the heart and the spirit. It takes away the love and the joy and the peace that truly make people alive. It whispers words of deception and depression. It has wrapped its cold clammy hands around my heart and is now squeezing the life out of me. I was dying, dying...
I don't want to die. No, no, no. I have to do something. I have to fight this.
There it is again. That voice. That still small voice calling out to me. What was that? Did the Voice actually speak my name? Calling out to me?
A light! Slowly, I opened my eyes. Was that the same light I saw before? Yes, yes it is! Amazingly, the light has not changed at all. The light, still so glorious, so marvelously glorious, lay in front of me as if it never left. With great effort, I began to focus on that light. Little by little, I could feel death's grasp loosening as I began to rise up. Up, up, up. Up to where I was before. To the path I was walking on.
There they go again. The people. The cries for help. I was tempted to look away from the light, but I didn't. No, not this time. I would keep my eyes on the light. Soon, I was bathed in its warm glow. It was glowing, glowing, moving through me, and in me. It seeped through me and into my very core. The light embraced me and covered me.
Then, I was shining.
Shining through the darkness. Shining on the people. Shining death away.
Easily. Smoothly. Flawlessly.
Because the Light was in me.
*****************************
Thursday, November 01, 2007
.light.
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1 comments:
I realized that when I write on my blog or read other people's blog, and there's this strong sense of I wanted to write so much but it seems that I can't...and eventually we post anyway...it has always been the Lord who has been nudging me or them or us, and just by stepping in faith, He keeps His light to shine on others, through our hardships, our struggles, our joys and our pain, with which other people are also going through.
I haven't said it as much, but you are a blessing! And if you didn't get my message, belated happy birthday :D
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