from odyssa's blog

I got this from my best friend Odyssa's blog, at dahil inaaliw ko ang sarili ko ngayon, gusto kong patulan at sagutan. Hehehe.

Thanks Day! And I miss you super duper!

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**NAME 7 THINGS THAT MUST ALWAYS BE IN YOUR BAG**

1. my cellphone
2. wallet with money, ID at kung anu-ano pa
3. payong (paranoid ako.. feeling ko uulan lagi. hehe)
4. keys to my apartment
5. alcohol (panghugas ng kamay kapag walang tubig)
6. Basic "kikay" necessities (comb, face powder, lip balm)
7. ballpen

**Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:**

1. pray and then remain quiet
2. play my guitar
3. take a bath and cry

Name 5 favorite fruits:

1. grapes
2. ponkan
3. strawberry
4. apple
5. melon

Name 3 things you are wearing right now:

1. mama's lab pants (pajama ko.. hehe)
2. old white shirt
3. rubber slippers

What are you thinking about right now?
- the meaning of life. ;)

Where is your phone?
- here on my table, right next to me

Where do you sleep?
- tonight i'm sleeping in my Ate's room... but most of the time i sleep in our apartment in Manila

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
- Ate bought it for me in Palawan years ago

What was the last thing you ate?
- Oreo cheesecake from starbucks.

What kind of cell phone do you have?
- SE W850i.

What is the closest item near you that is white?
-my cellphone.

What is the last movie you watched?
- A Series of Unfortunate Events on HBO.

When did you last feel a tree with your bare hands?
- Not sure na e.

:::::THE STRANGE ELEVEN::::

Eleven odd facts about yourself:

1. Are you photo addict? - Maybe a little. Pero hindi super.

2. What were you doing this morning at 8am? - Not listening to the lecturer at the Anesth conference.

3. Do you care for your friendster? - Definitely.

4. How many different beverages have you drank since yesterday? - Dami na. C2, Nestea, Iced tea ng KFC, Sprite, pineapple juice, water, Java Chip

5. What are three things you wish to change about yourself? - 1) I want to believe in myself more.
2) I want to be more compassionate and selfless. 3) I want to be able to express myself better and open up more easily to the people closest to me.

6. What do you wish for? - world peace. seriously. and equity and justice.

7. When was the last time you got really hurt? - i don't want to say. ;)

8. Any plans for tonight? - SLEEPING!!!

9. Something you are excited about? - my birthday!!! hehe.

10. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? - double dutch/coffee crumble

11. Describe your keychain? - Ate Honey's pasalubong from New York.. the one that has my name on it. Super sad ako kasi nasira un isa nung nabagsak siya, un may "Jesus is Lord" na galing dun kina Kenneth Copeland na bigay nina Ate Neng at Kuya Lowe.

1. Do you know anyone in prison? - Yes.

2. If so, who?- Michael Scofield. (Nyahaha. Yeah right. I don't watch Prisonbreak e.)

4. Party girl/boy or Home girl/boy?- Homegirl.

5. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?!- Absolutely not.

6. Name someone you miss. - Nanay Gloria at ang buong pamilya namin sa Pagsanjan.

7. Are you named after a grandparent?- No. At least, I don't think so. I had a Lola Maria, though.

8. Who loves you? - =.)

9. Have you ever broken a rib? - nope

10. Would you rather be a girl or a guy? - when i was a little kid i wanted to be a guy.. but now, happy ako na girl ako! ;)

1. Who is the most spoiled person you know?- Ako din Day, myself. Hehe.

12. Would you rather have a million dollars or true love? - Pwede bang 'yun true love ko may million dollars? Hehe.

13. Would you rather date someone 2 years younger or older?- I'd say... older.

14.. What's your favorite junk food?- CHOCOLATE!

15. Do you have a porn collection?- No.

16. Is your birthday on a holiday?- No. So separate gifts dapat! Hahaha!

17. Are you old enough to vote?- Yup.

18. Do you have any friends or family in the war right now?- Wala naman war e.

19. Are you a vegetarian?- Haha, definitely not.

20. Do you worry about global warming?- Day, I saw that documentary too. Astig no? I care about the environment.. increased awareness ever since the GHC last summer.

21. Do you like Polar bears?- I'll answer that when I see a real one.

22. What song do you want played at your funeral?- Mga kanta ng Faithmusic Manila.. gusto ko masaya pa din ang mga tao. ;)

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Wala lang.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mama dearest! :) I love you so much.

.home. (post-DEMS post)

It's so nice to be blogging from my own room once again.

My Anesthesiology rotation afforded me a much-needed and welcomed two-day reprieve from the halls of the Philippine General Hospital.

Haha. Kung anu-ano pang sinasabi. Basta ang point, masaya ako at nakauwi rin ako. Finally. Aba, medyo matagal din ata ang 6 weeks para hindi umuwi no? E homebody pa naman ako. Hehe.

Anyway. DEMS. It was the rotation I was truly dreading because I am not exactly the world's biggest fan of the Emergency Room. But I am happy to say that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. True, I am still not too comfy in the ER, but hey, those two weeks weren't so horrible after all.

The DEMS residents were really nice. Fun sila kasama sa duty. Kahit na nagrereklamo kami kasi lagi nila kaming nauutusan, okay pa din kasi at least nakapagpractice kami ng procedures. Medyo nanunumbalik na ang confidence level ko sa pagtusok ng kung anu-anong needles at pag-insert ng kung anu-anong tubes sa mga pasyente. At kahit na parang naging normal na lang sa pang araw-araw na buhay namin 'yung may namamatay sa harapan mo after mo tumulong na i-resuscitate siya (tipong sasabihin mo na lang na, "Ano, namatay na ba 'yung si ______? Okay."), na-realize ko din na capable pa rin pala ako na makaramdam ng compassion para sa mga taong walang-wala talaga at hindi na alam kung paano ang gagawin dahil nagkasakit 'yung kasama niya. Na sa isang tanong mo lang na "Okay lang po ba kayo? Pagod na po ba kayo?", sobrang matutuwa na sila sa 'yo at magkukwento na tungkol sa buhay nila.

Nakakatuwa din kasi okay na okay 'yung group dynamics ng duty team namin nina Dandro at Rizza. Walang lamangan.. ideally. Joke. Seriously, I liked the way our group managed to work together. We were constantly looking out and helping each other, kaya sobrang astig. Walang iwanan. Sa katoxican o tulugan, sa kainan o gutuman, magkasama. Hehe. Nagustuhan ko sila katrabaho. Feeling ko nga mas close ako sa kanila ngayon e. Kaya ayun.

I really did enjoy my DEMS rotation, although the fact that being in Anes means I won't be seeing (or smelling) the ER for two whole weeks is still a very welcome concept for me.

That's all na muna for DEMS.

As for Anes... kailangan ko ng procedures! We are required to do six intubations and three spinals, and so far I have... one spinal. Hehe. Di bale, I have two duty days pa naman and 'yung mga everyday posts na hopefully ipagawa sa kin ng resident. My "mantra" these days is "What I need will come to me." Thank you Lord dahil alam ko makukumpleto ko ang aking procedure checklist bago pa matapos ang rotation na 'to. ;)

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Kung sinumang kumuha ng BP app ko sa ER, sana napapakinabangan mo siya ng husto.

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Gusto ko ng bagong laptop. IM na kami in just a little over a week.

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Wala lang. I'm just glad to be home.

Snuggle-wuggle.

.post-surgery post.

Parang ang tagal tagal na nung Surgery rotation ko. E kung tutuusin nung Tuesday lang naman nag-end 'yun at kakastart ko lang sa DEMS (Department of Emergency Medical Services) nung Wednesday. Pero wala lang. Ngayon ko lang din kasi narealize na mabilis din pala lumipas ang four weeks.

At hindi pa rin ako nakakauwi sa amin simula nung nag-umpisa ako sa Surg. Haaay. Dapat talaga makauwi na ko when I rotate sa Anesth kasi IM na kami kasunod nun. Baka 8 straight weeks ako hindi makauwi by that time. E dun pa naman papatak ang birthday ko! Ehehe. Wala lang.

Surgery was an okay enough rotation... but it was quite stressful kasi parang I was dealing with so many other issues within myself at the same time. Ewan ko. It was like I was fighting an inward battle. My love-walk was not in prime condition pa nun, so siguro un din ang puno't-dulo ng lahat. It's so hard to explain now that it's all in the past na, but back then it was such an effort to even just get up in the morning, put a smile on my face, and show the world that everything's just fine and dandy.

Ewan. Siguro kasi ang medyo matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakakapakinig ng Word. Kulang na kulang.

And that stress even managed to manifest naturally kasi pinagaling ako. I was febrile for three days pero siyempre hindi naman maka-absent kasi mas hassle pa 'yun. And I had the most embarrassing experience when I had to step out of the OR in the middle of an operation because I felt like my head was spinning and that I was going to fall anytime. Pero praise God pa rin kasi I am healed na.. from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. All glory to God!

Marami akong natutunan sa Surg.. sa ER, sa OR assists, sa mga lectures and preceptorials, and all that jazz. Pero marami rin akong natutunan in dealing with people.

Nakaka-frustrate lang kasi minsan kapag mari-realize mo na hindi lahat ng tao kaparehas mo mag-isip. Kung hindi kasi natin makita na iba-iba talaga tayo, dun nag-uumpisa ang hindi pagkakaunawaan at hindi pagkakaintindihan. Wala lang. Siguro dapat ko lang mas matutunan pang umintindi at magpasensya.

Nakaka-gigil lang kasi minsan ang mga taong nag-iisip na sila na lang palagi ang bida. Na sa bawat usapan kailangan sila ang sikat. Ayaw magpatalo. Nakakatawa na nga e. Kahit anong sabihin mo o ikuwento, tiyak meron siyang maikukwento na mas matindi pa sa kwento mo, positive man o negative. Mga taong dalawa lang ang klase ng pag-iisip: either siya na ang pinaka-kawawa sa buong mundo or siya na ang pinakamagaling sa lahat. Pathetic. I guess in a way ok na din yun kasi naho-hone ang aking listening skills. I'm learning to focus on what other people say instead of myself. Sana lang minsan meron din magfocus sa mga sinasabi ko. Wehehe. Actually, meron naman. Kaya thank you. Hindi lang din talaga ako masyadong nagsasalita na minsan. Ehehe. ;)

Nakakairita din ang mga tao na feeling nila alam na nila ang lahat sa buhay mo, feeling nila kilalang-kilala nila at may karapatan na silang magsalita ng kung anu-ano sa iyo. Feeling nila may lisensya na sila na makialam. E ni wala pa sa kalingkingan ang pagkakakilala nila sa pagkatao mo. Ambabaw lang ng pagkakaintindi nila. Excuse me. I only allow very few and select people into the deepest parts of my heart.

Waaah. Sorry. I know I never wrote anything mean here before. Wala lang. Hindi din naman kasi ako nagsasalita tungkol sa mga ganitong bagay e. Don't know how to put it in such a way that would make people want to listen. Plus, wala naman siyang sense so wag na lang din di ba?

I guess sometimes, naiisip ko, nakakapagod na rin. Minsan nakakalimutan ko na 'yung reason kung bakit ba patuloy at patuloy ko pa ring ginagawa 'to. May napakinggan ako non na speaker sa school. Sabi niya, "You have to find your own niche. Your niche is that one special thing that will make you wake up excited to do your work every single day." Tapos, naisip ko, kailan kaya magiging ganon ang medisina para sa kin? Para kanino ba at ginagawa ko ang lahat ng 'to? Minsan, sobrang effort ang kailangan kong i-exert para lang mapicture ang sarili ko na ginagawa 'to for the rest of my life. Parang hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko. Para akong umiikot nang umiikot na hindi alam kung saang direksyon ba talaga ako pupunta.

Ewan. Basta ang alam ko, talagang grasya lang ng Panginoon ang mapapasalamatan ko kung bakit ko napapagtagumpayan ang madaming mga bagay araw-araw. Dahil kung wala iyon, baka matagal na akong sumuko. At nagapapasalamat din ako sa Panginoon kasi naglalagay siya ng mga tao sa paligid ko na laging nagpapa-alala sa akin na I am "..light, and God will never allow that light to be extinguished. Darkness can never even overcome that light." I will never forget those words that uplifted my spirit in a way that you can't even imagine.

Only the thought that God has a plan for me, and has a good future in store me, keeps me going every single day.

And sometimes, it's the thought that this will all be over eventually that does that for me.

Don't get me wrong. I do want to become a doctor, and I know that by the grace of God, I am destined to become an excellent physician who takes after the Great Healer Himself. I want to reach the world with the hands of Jesus and show them that a life with Him is the greatest kind of life that we can live. Pero siyempre, gusto ko din naman na i-embody 'yun. Gusto kong makita ng mga tao ang joy sa buhay ko. JOY. JOY. JOY.

I guess I am just going through a phase. Ewan. Ewan. Ewan ko talaga.