.seven years.

With just 5 days to go before internship is over, indulge me as I go all sentimental and reminisce on the past seven years of my life.. the seven years I spent in med school.

Unlike most of my classmates, being in med school has never been that big a deal to me. It has never been the end-all, be-all of my existence. It was more like a stopover of sorts before I continue on toward my real destination in life. What THAT might be, your guess is as good as mine.

I still vividly remember my first few days in UP Manila as an Intarmed freshman. First year was, of course, scary and intimidating. I remember feeling insecure next to my "bigtime" classmates, all of whom graduated with honors from well-known science high schools and exclusive private schools. Intarmed was most definitely a humbling experience. Not as science-oriented as I would have liked, I failed my first few major exams, found myself "lost" during lectures, and basically just messed up lab activities. Like a splash of cold water right in my face, I realized I wasn't as brilliant as I thought. The Little Miss Stellar that I was in high school, apparently, no longer existed.

I figured I wouldn't survive, so I decided to take the easy way out. I made arrangements to shift back to my first love, which was Broadcast Communication. Everything was all set, but amazingly enough, that was not to be my fate. Somehow, a power much stronger than my frustrations kept me from bailing out - the power of true friendship. I was not alone. I made great friends who effortlessly managed make to make me smile and laugh every single day. And at that moment, that was enough to keep me going.

Second year was a bit simpler, if not easier. Getting the hang of my lessons, failed exams were getting to be fewer and farther in between (although they were still there). Time only served to strengthen the friendships that were established in the first year. I missed out on a lot of "fun" activities since I used to travelled back home every day, but that did not hinder me from becoming closer to the people I had learned to love. I was quite selective when it came to friends, and I picked the most beautiful gems of them all to share my life with. Stories were told, secrets were shared, moments were spent together, lessons were learned. Every day was another step taken in the journey that was not my own.

We soon entered the realm of medicine proper, a bit too young perhaps, but prepared nonetheless. We were thrown into a sea of 160 faces, 120 of which were older, wiser, and with much more academic experience than the 40 of us. Yet we just dove in and managed to merge with them beautifully. Third and fourth year crammed our minds with all the wonders of the human body, both physiologic and pathologic. Innumerable cups of coffee helped us to stay awake enough to make attempts at memorizing impossible amounts of information. Everyone tried to find his or her own way
of coping - this was the year when every student was either trying to get into a fraternity, sorority, or whatever organization, or delving into other non-medical activities. We all had to survive - and insanity was not an option.

We all did.

Fifth year was probably the lightest year of all. With our hospital exposure limited to the outpatient department, time management was no longer a problem. We learned much from our patients, but at the same time, we found ourselves with so much time on our hands. Suddenly, I could do whatever I wanted again. Around this time, I decided to throw myself fully into ministerial activities with our local church. I got involved, learned more of the Word, and allowed myself to be discipled by mature Christian leaders. It was amazing when I realized that I could be a medical student and a minister at the same time. I was learning about diseases, and at the same time growing in faith in my Divine Healer. I was maturing as a physician while developing my character as a Christian.

I now know why.

Sixth year, or Clinical Clerkship, came as quite a shock. From the benign ICC year we had, we were then confronted with more-than-24-hour duties filled with mind-boggling emergencies and patients dying almost everytime. We delivered babies, intubated unconscious patients, assisted with major operations, and performed advanced life support. We were doctors, but not quite yet. We still had to monitor entire wards, complete loads of paperwork, insert IV lines, catheters, and NGTs... and we had to balance all those things with academics. We had to learn. With everything we had to do, it was easy to lose our temper, yell at patients and their watchers, and ignore calls for help. We made shortcuts to make life easier for us. We had our first few glimpses of dehumanization, and we clutched on to it like a lifesaver to keep us sane.

I was no different from everyone else. I had my fair share of "poopy" moments that I would rather not remember. But somehow, I know it was the grace of God working in me that set me apart from all the rest. I was highly favored. I was blessed. I knew whatever happened, God was pleased with me. And that was what kept me going.

Internship, our seventh and last year, came soon enough. It was a lot like a repetition of clerkship, only this time, we had more responsibilities. We were privileged enough to have been allowed to wear the badge of "Dr." on our nameplates, but that came with much accountability. We were the first in line to assess and evaluate new patients, and somehow, our opinions seem to matter more now than they used to. We worked tirelessly with our residents, and at times even consultants, and we learned what it was like to be part of the medical team handling the patients. We also learned to work together. Med school is tough enough as it is, and to get through it alone is out of the question. With our tired and overworked minds and bodies yearning even for a slight reprieve from it all, heated arguments arose from division of labor, duty schedules, and such like, with resolutions of varying creativity coming up. Family time became even more precious as some holidays were still to be spent within the hospital walls. Internship asked a lot from us, and we gave in to much of its demands, sacrificing time for self and loved ones along the way, but I know we all got better for it.

And now, here we are. Just a few days away from the end of it all.

I will always remember UP College of Medicine for all that it has taught me. I will remember all the concepts I have learned (yeah, right!), the skills I have obtained from doing numerous procedures, and the courage I have developed in facing patients of different levels of toxicity.

But the UP College of Medicine will never be my home.

My home will always be in the hearts of the people who have, along the way, touched my life in such astounding ways, molding me to become the person I am now. In the past seven years, I have found friendships that stood the test of time, pressure, and diasagreements. I encountered colleagues and mentors who inspired me to dream big and expand my vision to go beyond the usual and the expected. I met patients who showed me that sickness will never be a hindrance to living a full and happy life. Realistically though, I also saw people who allowed depression and sadness to take over their whole beings, and I would hate to become like them. Most importantly, I learned to appreciate the unconditional love of my family that gives and gives, a love that I was only too eager to reciprocate. This is also the love that has extended beyond my immediate family to include the one I look forward to a beautiful tomorrow with. =.)

I used to think that for the past seven years, I have been working hard to make myself better. I used to believe that I had to work hard to ensure a good future for myself and for my family. I now know that I got it wrong. It has never been about me. I was never the center of it all. The truth is, it is God who has been working on me for the past seven years to bring me right to where I am now. He orchestrated everything so that I would meet the right people, learn the right things, and acquire all that is necessary to prepare me for the bigger tasks ahead. Med school was merely a stepping stone towards the real work that is up ahead. And with God on my side, guiding me all the way, success is definitely inevitable.

The assignment is quite daunting, but I would be nothing if not up to it. I am fully equipped. My God has made sure of that. With much faith, courage, and boldness, I am looking forward to taking the next step.

I am happy. I am strong. I am right where I am supposed to be.

It's about time I give something back.