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It has been a few days since I made that big decision that turned my life around. I quit Pediatrics.
I know. It's only been two weeks since I officially started, and I have barely even grazed the tip of the adventure that is PGH Pediatrics. Yet, I know I made the right decision.
Some people call me crazy for giving up the chance to undergo residency training in one of the best, if not the best, tertiary hospitals in the country. They think me stupid for letting go of the opportunity to work under the best minds the nation has to offer.
And now I am unemployed.
But I have no regrets. I do miss the people though.. :(
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Contrary to what some may think, this is not a sudden, spur-of-the-moment decision. I should've seen this coming. This was a turn of events seven years in the making. I cannot for the life of me even begin to explain the lightness, the release I felt when I finally made up my mind.
All throughout my med school life, I have been complaining and grumbling about being a "fish out of the water," of not being in my element, of doing something I have never even been passionate about in the first place. It has been my excuse for having difficulties with grasping concepts and for my less-than-stellar grades. I never had the drive to learn more than what was required and only did just what was enough to make sure I passed everything. Yet when asked, "What do you want to do instead?", I could not give a concrete answer.
The next question is usually, "Why did you go into it then in the first place?" For now, I'll just let my close friends answer that one for me.
I spent seven years swimming with the tide, not knowing where it was leading me, getting tired but getting nowhere.
And now I am here.
Praise God for bringing me here. Only by His grace... nothing more, nothing less.
Free at last, to finally choose the path I would take.
As one good friend put it, "This is the beginning of the rest of your life."
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Now that I am out of the "protective covering" that PGH has provided me, I feel naked and vulnerable, venturing out into the world on my own.
This is the time to finally ask myself, "What do I really want?"
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I want to help people.
Beauty pageant answer, I know, but it's true.
I don't want to simply treat the human body. I want to help heal soul and spirit. I want to empower people, to help them realize that there is so much more to them than what meets the eye, no matter what their status in life might be. I want to help them become the best persons that they can be.
I want to come up with new and innovative ideas in bringing about change. I want to help entire communities of people and inspire them to rise above the expectations and flourish on their own.
I want to change the nation by helping people find the best kind of change within themselves.
I know it all sounds cliche at this point, but this has been the most honest that I have been ever since. With writing down all of these, I run the risk of being called too idealistic and out of touch with reality.
Right now, I can think of possible career options. Psychiatrist. Community physician. Educator.
I want a career that will allow me to touch lives by teaching.
I trust that God will open doors for me.
I don't know where this will lead me. As of now, I've been interviewing for some jobs, much like your average fresh-out-of-college-21-ye
Who knows?
Everything will fall into place in due time.
Maybe one day, I will go back to hospital training. After all, it could be just the path that will catapult me to fulfilling everything I said earlier. One day, maybe.
But not now. Just for a while, I need this time to rediscover myself, set aflame once again the passions that used to burn within me, and explore what awaits me out there.
With God on my side, I can't lose.
The future looks bright. Yes, it does indeed.
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I still need to get a job, though. ;-)
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